one might say we're banned from that church
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
