i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
