hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
