i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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