just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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