So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I deserve this hangover.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
