My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
