I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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