I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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