I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
