there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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