piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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