i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
