Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
