Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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