As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
