Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
