I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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