sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize