oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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