I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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