Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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