Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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