I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need to sanitize my soul.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
