is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
