he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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