I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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