Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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