Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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