SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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