I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
