I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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