she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
