My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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