rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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