I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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