I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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