I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
