I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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