i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
