I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
