How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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