Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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