I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
