His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
