i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
