I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
