I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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