You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
