She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
