I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
