With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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