Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The feeling are messing with the penis
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
