and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
