I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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