Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
