I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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