You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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