rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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