Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
