Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm always down for nudity.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
