That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
