I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
