Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
