I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
