at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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