If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
