My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
