You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
