Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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