I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
