hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
