We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
