Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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